Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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