i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We got so high we made milksteak
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize