Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
