a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
