What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
