please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
