...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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