every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
