I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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