i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
