Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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