She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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