Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
