Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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