Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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