I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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