Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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