you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
