you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
