hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
