My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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