I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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