i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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