Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
