i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
