i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
