I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize