shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
