Just cropdusted the office
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
