Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
