I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
