just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
