hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize