you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
