I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Say something about gay babies.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
