I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize