No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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