I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
