tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
