I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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