there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
