she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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