sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
