I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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