Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
