sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
