just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
