You're my little dorito
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
