the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
