I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
