just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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