yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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