You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
