why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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