Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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