I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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