i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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