So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
