god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
