Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
