Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My penis needs a shock collar
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
