This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
