I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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