I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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