I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
