Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
